My high school is having a reunion this month so it has me thinking about a time I would go back to if such a thing was possible. I loved high school, but would never in a million years go back to being a teenager. NEVER!
I’m the kind of person who looks forward, hardly ever back. It has something to do with that closure I’m always looking for.
When something is done with me, it’s done. Finish and klaar.
I live in the moment, appreciate it, enjoy it or not, dissect it – left, right and centre – laugh or cry about it and eventually (after whatever amount of time is suitable), put it behind me and move on.
It feels almost physically impossible to return to a place where I spent a lot of time before: like my primary and high schools, church, places I worked or even places I lived.
Since my parents moved out of my childhood home about six years ago I’ve never gone back even though I went within a few metres from it many times. A place where I lived for most of my life and had great times. I haven’t even been back to see the people I grew up with.
I haven’t returned to my grandparents old home either, even though I now live less than half a kilometre away from it and have run or walked and even driven within 50 metres of the house. All it would take is a few steps to my right and…I think I’m afraid that it will ruin my memories of the place.
Earlier this year an old high school friend told me how much she enjoyed watching old tv series from the 1980s. I can’t stand them! Even though I enjoyed them when we were children. I can almost taste the Saturday evening toasted sandwiches and soup my mother made for supper while we watched those series on tv.
But rewatching them shows now – not a chance! No McGyver, Air Wolf, Magnum PI, Kojak or even Dallas for me.
That got me thinking…was there a time I would actually go back to?
Surprisingly enough there are one or two.
I would go back to any moment with any of my nieces and nephew especially when they were babies. I would go back to this past Sunday and give my niece another hug and chat with my nephew about his exam results again if I could. I want to live a little bit in the past, present and future with that lot of family members.
But if there was just one moment I could relive once more, I would choose the time I spent with someone I dated a few years ago.
One of those Cape Town winter rainstorms was raging outside; indoors was pleasant and warm under the duvet. I can still picture him complaining about my cold feet and our voices low and laughter light. The time before either of us had expectations of each other.
Around midnight, at the time I usually told him it was getting late, I said in my mind “don’t go” and at the same time he said “I don’t want to go”.
He did go, by the way.
Which is probably what made it perfect. We still had a whole year or more of making up and breaking up after that and had even more romantic moments, but that’s the moment in time I would choose again.
After that I would want to come right back to the present as it is because to me the future is a whole lot more interesting and exciting than the past.