President Zuma, I presume?
Sometimes you have to accept the inevitable.
As much as I hate winter, I have to accept that it will follow autumn – or I will drive myself crazy.
As much as I hate the fact that Jacob Zuma will in all likelihood be the next president and as much as I harbour the hope that something will happen that will derail his presidency, I am preparing myself mentally for the worst.
I imagine we will wake up in sometime in May 2009 with President Zuma residing in Tuynhuis with his multiple families. Having three current wives and a myriad of children, Jacob Zuma will only have a few quality hours a day to devote to the electorate (fortunately).
Anyone who watches the series Big Love will know by now that a polygamous marriage requires lots of planning, shovelling around, placating wives, viagra, etc.
I imagine President Zuma will be one busy man with lots of responsibilities as husband, father, ceremonial president of the ANC as well as ceremonial president of the country.
A typical day in the life of the new president of South Africa
11.00 Have personal valet bring Armani suit from dressing room as selected previous evening. Being president of Africa’s economic powerhouse isn’t as easy as one would think.
12.00 Breakfast on patio away from maddening family members asking for school fees and lunch money AGAIN – check morning newspapers for new Zapiro cartoons.
12.30 Speak to lawyers re current court cases involved in. Must try and delay trials as very busy man. Also good strategy to blame NPA for delay. Wonder if R6 million law suit against cartoonist is enough. Wonder who else to sue?
14.00 Lunch and lunch time call to Malema. Ask him to say something stupid again – makes subjects feel like they could’ve done worse.
14.30 Afternoon nap
16.00 Tea time – cucumber sandwiches, fancy cakes and tea with the wives. Discuss sleeping arrangements with wives
17.00 Massage, facial, manicure and pedicure.
18.30 Dinner with deputy-President to discuss running of country. Ask to be given more responsibilities. Am president, after all.
19.00 Real dinner with new wife – must try to remember her name. Discuss having children.
20.00 Meeting with personal assistant to plan tomorrow’s schedule – plan next one-on-one with
subjects….uhmm citizens. Make them happy – treat them to new song perhaps?
20.15 Get ready for long hot bath – exhausting day.
21.30 Head off to lucky wife number 2
21.40 Shower
22.00 Have late night snack while keeping informed of world news headlines on Supersport 1.
22.30 Decide on outfit for tomorrow’s breakfast. Try on one or two different variations. Maybe opt for South African made tie?
23.00 Retire to presidential bedroom for night – very tiring day. Can’t wait for the weekend!
