My Mitchell’s Plain Aunty is disgusted by Jacob Zuma
This afternoon my mother pitched up at my flat telling me they were headed to Mitchell’s Plain, do I want to go as well.
(Damn security at the gate, why do we even pay them!)
My mom’s ‘asking’ is more like a command than an open ended question with a yes or no answer.
Not that the thought of my aunty’s fancy cake and tea didn’t cross my mind.
I got the usual “watch your mouth when you talk to your aunty…” speech as if I didn’t want world peace and all the rest.
My aunty was happy to see us and had my grandmother’s China tea service on the table with beautiful little cakes and my favourite coconut tart.
We chatted about this and that, gossiped about a cousin who is pregnant for the third time and tried to guess who the dad was this time.
Which led us straight to Jacob Zuma and trouble. Imagine that!
“Sies,” my aunty exclaimed. “that man has the morals of a…of a…wild hog!”
“He is unfit to be president of this God-fearing country.”
I rolled my eyes, but said nothing.
“I knew this would happen when that man became president.”
“He will morally corrupt this country. Polygamy is against the Lord’s word!”
I still said nothing, very much against my nature. Instead I concentrated on the texture of the coconut tart after every bite.
I wanted to give her a break as my Mitchell’s Plain uncle left her a few years ago and is now shacked up with some young 20something in a backyard in Lost City.
But when she said “Helen Zille would…”
I had to say something, so I swallowed my last piece of tart and said, “Polygamy and philandering might be distasteful to you aunty and Helen Zille, but not everyone in this African country shares your view.”
“Which is why Helen Zille didn’t even get close to being president.”
“And anyway, his sleeping around is distasteful to me too,” I said. “But that’s a separate issue from his presidency!”
“Helen Zille said…” she continued as if I hadn’t said one word.
I took another slice of tart, refilled my tea cup and started a conversation with my cousin about life after his matric.
My mom was so proud of me.
