Archive for October, 2010
Sunday, October 17th, 2010
Wouldn’t it be great if everything was black or white, right or wrong?
Life is bit more complicated than that or rather it was for me this week.
About two weeks ago I made an instinctive decision which hurt the one person I would not have wanted to hurt.
I want to say that I didn’t have a choice. But I did.
And if I had to do it over again, I would make the same choice. Because the alternate would be unthinkable.
I always tell my niece that she has a choice even when it feels like she doesn’t, but the consequences of her decisions might not be to her liking.
And so it is for me.
The consequences is almost unbearable. Seeing hurt on someone you care about’s face and not being able to say something to make things better is hard.
Having that someone unable to look at me or speak to me isn’t exactly a dream.
Doing the right thing doesn’t always feel good. On the contrary, a visit to the dentist might feel more comfortable right now.
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Friday, October 8th, 2010
OMW! I am having the craziest week. And that is saying a LOT!
First an ex emailed me out of the blue to let me know he’ll be in my neck of the woods to watch the WP game the weekend.
I tried hard to be nice to him. But in the end had to ask that he not contact me.
From there the crazy continue at break neck speed.
I wish I could post pictures of the objects of that absolutely had me in hysterics from Tuesday until today.
It’s a huge sculpture at work made of recycled material. Somehow this work of art tickled my funny bone every time I saw it or even thought about it.
Then I did my first electronic newsletter for work. It was so nerve wracking wondering how it would render in the recipients browser and email client.
The first is always the worst.
And in the midst of all this my little romance took a strange turn.
We were in a comfortable pattern for a while until Wednesday when I reacted badly to something he said.
What he didnt understand was/is the fact that I’m a private person (despite this blog 
!)
And that I wasn’t rejecting him. It looked for all the world that we had reached another ending.
The thought of not having him in my life was impossible to even contemplate.
Luckily that madness lasted only a few hours.
However it all made me feel like I was in the Twilight Zone. Surreal.
So this drama queen had some drama again.
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Tuesday, October 5th, 2010
Confession time again.
I lost my cool a bit at work on Friday and marched into a colleague’s office, slunk into a chair and had a mini freak out.
She calmly told me what my options were and gave me a few ways to solve the (work related) problem.
I hated to admit that the problem was me, but did so anyway. Particularly my inability to handle criticism.
Recently I read part of an article in Fairlady about neuroleadership. The concept isn’t new – likely just a new buzzword. Or not. I wasn’t exactly interested.
One thing stood out though. The article said: if you are being micromanaged, show initiative.
That hit the right spot, because of my strong belief in taking personal responsibility for my actions and choices.
It actually helped my work situation, even though I wasn’t being micromanaged at that point. However it made me see how I felt personally attacked when the situation was definitely not personal. And that the solution had to come from me.
So I got to work, continued the project and asked for opinions to improve it.
I’ve taken it even further by reminding myself that someone’s opinion is just that. It doesn’t make or break me, unless I choose.
I’ve also taken back my power (in Zen Abby mode) from my gossiping colleagues whose group have currently dwindled to two. Because I realise that in the past when I’ve felt powerless, angry or fearful, it was easier to find validation by finding fault with or hurting someone else.
And anyway, without intending to, their actions have made me a better, stronger person. Not forgetting healthier and fitter.
Hopefully I’ll remember of all the above the next time I’m having a bad day.
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Sunday, October 3rd, 2010
Friday evening after work I headed (with much trepidation in my little heart) off to the hairdresser across the road from where I live.
This hairdresser specialises in doing ‘coloured’ hair. And by ‘coloured’ I don’t mean dyed hair.
My cousins own a hairdressing salon in Monte Vista, but I’ve chosen to rather not cause a family war. A bad haircut could do that and much worse!
Believe me, I’ve walked out of hairdressers many times with tears in my eyes and whispered curses under my breath.
Anyway, I took the picture – with my desired hairstyle – and showed it to Candice, the hairdresser assigned to me.
She’s cut my hair a few times before without any drama, so felt like I was in good hands.
First she looked at the picture. Then my hair. And said: “Are you sure about all the layers?”
I became a bit alarmed when she continued with: “Will you be able to maintain the style?”
It looked easily maintainable in the picture!
“Go ahead,” I said – with fake bravado.
Half way through the cut she announced that my hair wouldn’t look exactly like the picture. Because, she said, the back was already too short!
I tried to regulate my breathing to conjure up Zen Abby.
Somewhere along the line Candice said something about “your hair is very thick, but a flat iron will keep it down!”
Zen Abby was nowhere to be found.
I began thinking of that isolation ward.
But thankfully she put the scissors down after what seemed an eternity.
I looked up at my reflection in the mirror.
My hair looked nothing like the picture! It was a lot shorter than I had wanted.
But…
I love it!
It’s fresh and cute looking. And seems easy enough to manage by myself.
Hopefully Candice won’t be on maternity leave again for a while.
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