GlassPearl.co.za/blog

A Work in Progress

You know how it is. Just when you think you’re okay, something happens to shake things up.

For me it happened this morning.

On my way to work, I hurried along, late as usual.

Less than 50 metres from my gate is a parking entrance for a group of businesses.

A car stopped to let me pass. I looked up to say thank you and could have sworn it was an ex-b/f.

Not just any ex. THE one every woman should have at least once in her life.

But I couldn’t be sure. Even though the car’s number plate had his name.

As if I needed something new to obsess about!

Then at work today I had to pack up my office for my move tomorrow.

It was kind of sad because I loved my office for 5 years until this year. When I hated it.

Except for my colleague in the office next door. We had so much fun talking nonsense and sometimes fighting over stupid stuff.

I’m so glad he won’t be at work tomorrow or I might just have cried. While he laughed at me

On the other hand, I’m getting to share a much nicer office space, have more interesting work to do and I will be away from the gossipers.

So I guess its not so bad.

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Spring is in the Air!

Spring is in the air! Not quite literally in Cape Town.

But this we are used to by now. Cold, miserable weather for 1 September. And, yes spring only officially arrives late in September.

1 September brings hope though. That winter will eventually end.

Even if that only happens after Christmas in the Mother City!

I love the idea of hope and renewal that September brings.

It reminds me of a few years ago when I thought I would never get over the only man who ever broke up with me.

Mind you, the total sum of the relationship lasted 3 whole months and consisted of bad poetry he said he wrote for me.

I was so young and stupid then.

Anyway, it took me a whole autumn and winter to get over the man.

More like getting over my bruised ego, in hindsight!

However one morning I arrived on Thibault Square in town, where I worked. There were these little green shoots sprouting on formerly leafless trees.

I felt then that sense of renewal within me as well.

My current circumstances are so different.

Being in love in winter is great. Being in love in spring is magical.

In fact the seasons hardly matter when everything feels new and exciting anyway.

But besides that, this spring i’m moving into a new office space. My job is getting more interesting. And I feel a sense of excitement about the future.

Whatever it might be.

Winter will be back eventually, but so will summer, autumn and spring.

Why can’t everyone just see that?

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I’m a freaking cliche!

Something strange has been going on with me.

My life has been taken over by an imposter. One who wears skirts!

And goes crazy over shoes.

Freaking strappy sky high wedge sandals, for goodness sake.

Me, who lived in my Levi 501s and Doc Martens for years!

My mother would be so proud as she always wanted a girly-girl daughter. But then she got me, followed by my sister.

The other evening my friend and I went shopping. I nearly fainted when a pair of wedges appeared before me.

I swear the Hallelujah chorus started in the background.

“I must have those sandals,” I told my friend. “And I don’t care if I have to starve this month.”

Huh? Did I actually say that?

Crazy stuff. Sanity prevailed in the end though.

Here’s the thing. It’s not only the shoes.

My nails match my outfits. So does jewellery.

That’s just the outer stuff.

Internally I’m calm, contented, confident.

Who is this person?

Guess what? I think I know how all this came about.

1. My guy friend who is so amazing. Despite everything he has to put up with.

He makes me want to be a better person.

OMW! Now I’m a freaking cliche!

2. My colleagues! Getting through a tough few months gave me a FU attitude. It also made me appreciative of the people in my life who I can trust.

3. Just being alive.

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I’m not usually a fan of Mondays, but today was a good one.

Any day that starts with a visit from my guy can only be good.

That and a workout!

I’ve been rather lazy with the workouts, but this morning decided to not complain and just do it.

But it all started with a snide comment my colleague made on Friday.

She said something about not complaining, because we have a choice to work there or not.

I ignored her at the time since I don’t trust her motives.

In hindsight I thought she had a point.

So I made the choice to have a great day. And I did.

My day was packed with interesting tasks and a meeting I quite enjoyed.

Plus I had to present some stuff in the meeting. Not something I enjoy doing.

But I did.

And as the meeting progressed so did my confidence.

This whole confidence thing is really quite interesting to me. (I have another post planned about confidence.)

Also, a colleague brought me a gift of nuts this morning. I am so bad at receiving gifts.

So Monday was all but over before I knew it.

Bring on Tuesday!

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House of cards

My colleague and I were chatting the other day about how it often happens that when you’re having a good day, the next bad day was just waiting to happen.

We both said we were having a good day.

Until I got called in to our manager’s office to do a project. An unpopular one.

Afterwards I went to my colleague and told her the penny had just dropped!

Well last week another colleague and I were talking. I was laughing so much, and didnt even care there if was bad news around the corner.

There was.

We got word that a family friend had died at a young age.

Suddenly my world had changed from carefree (as much as it gets with me) to one where life and death were foremost in my thoughts.

And I felt vulnerable. At home and work.

While talking with my guy friend about something unrelated Friday morning, I felt a mask on my face start to slip.

And showed the vulnerability I was feeling.

I thought I had it all together. Capable me. I normally fix and make things, you know.

Instead my house of cards started slipping.

He reacted by being extra sweet and kind.

But I hated that. I hate feeling transparent.
I hate needing someone.

When I got to work more of the cards started falling.

It seemed like my vulnerability was there for all to see. It probably wasn’t.

And I got irritated with two colleagues – not the infamous gossipers.

Who in turn showed their own irritation with me. One going as far as complaining about me – to one of the infamous gossipers. As luck would have it, I had to pass them on my way out the door.

So now I have this new set of circumstances in my private life.

Time to start again…although I think my foundation is pretty strong this time.

I’m certainly not afraid of the good days. Nor the bad for that matter.

It’s the emotional stuff that gets me every time.

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